Cloud's True Feelings
by Mun Pai
Summary: This is well...Uh a messed up fic about Cloud describing his TRUE feelings about various parts in the game! Oh, if you like Cloud, don't read this. Flames will just be made fun of! Got my first FLAME! Chapter 4 is up! Please rr!
1. Wall Market WalMart? OO

Cloud's True Feelings  
  
Mun Pai  
  
Chapter One: Wall Market  
  
(This idea was originally given to my sister by a friend named Michael, but I asked her if I could write it, luckily, since she's so nice...*COUGH*...she let me have this story. Of course, I don't own anyone used in this little nugget of joy. This is in Cloud's point of view, and the first chapter is set when Don Corneo captures Tifa...Flames will be sent to Hojo so he can experiment on them. ^_^ Yoroshiku!)   
  
When I followed the pretty flower girl, Aeris, to the playground in the Slums, I knew that day was the best day of my pathetic life. I think I was in love with Aeris...But I don't know. All I felt was this fuzzy, warm feeling in my chest every time I looked at her. Really though, I think I was just hungry when I felt like that. Maybe Aeris can cook real good? I hoped so...I was starving.   
The two of us sat on top of a slide thing that looked kinda like a big squirrel crossed with a beaver...Hehehe...She talked about her old boyfriend Zack. I used to be friends with him too. I liked him alot. We even dressed the same! Sometimes, we held hands went we did SOLDIER missions together. We always had lots of fun stuff to do, like when we went to Niblehiem with S-S-Sephiroth. I remember that I saw Tifa there too...I stole some of her underwear. I think it was a bra; I liked to wear it.   
While we were spending quality time together, this big thing with wheels drove by. It had Tifa on it! I was a little surprised to see Tifa...What would she think when she saw me with Aeris? Oh well, I'm cool and studly...So I can have two girls if I want to.   
Suddenly, I remembered how hungry I was, so Aeris and I decided to follow the wheely thingy and go save Tifa...I just wanted some food really.   
The place we went to was called Wall Market, in Sector Five of the Slums I think. It was a nice place that smelled like beer and fried food everywhere you went. There were alot of mean looking people there; they scared me. First we went to a big house in what the locals called 'downtown' Wall Market. That was Don Corneo's place. He had a big house...Oh woops, I just said that! Oh well, it was really big and nice.   
There was a guy standing at the door, and he looked at Aeris all smiley and happy like. "Oh come in, come in!" he told us. But when I tried to go in, he wouldn't let me. Sex discrimination I guess. Then, he told me that Don Corneo only wants girls, no guys. I almost cried! That man was so mean to us.  
So Aeris and I left the big house and decided to think of a way to save Tifa. I was still really hungry!!! My stomach started to talk to me. It said, "Go get some food, Cloud! Let's mosey on down to that restaurant!" But Aeris wouldn't let me. She said that she had thought of a plan to get to Tifa.  
  
The pretty flower lady dragged me into a dress shop. I'd never been in one of those before. It was really neat. There was another lady in there. But she told us that the guy who made the dresses never came to work anymore. He was always at the bar, drinking. Aeris suddenly got a strange glint in her eyes and said that she and I would convince him to come back because we really needed a dress. I was sort of confused; Aeris already had a nice pink dress! Why did she need another one?   
So we went down to the bar and found the guy we were looking for. He was really funky looking. When Aeris told him what she wanted him to do, he was all for it. So was I! I would get to wear a dress to go save Tifa! The man asked me what kind of dress I wanted...So I told him shimmers, soft and something else. Ever since I was in a coma thing, I don't remember what the last one was. I think that Jenova lady took it away from me...I don't know.  
The man immediately went back to his shop to make me my dress. In the meantime, we went down a big gym with a bunch of muscle building men in it...Muscle building men...That sounds funny, doesn't it? Anyway, Big Bro, the gym's owner, told me that the only way I could get a wig was if I entered a squatting contest with him. Luckily for me, I won and he gave me a blonde wig that was really pretty and soft.   
We were gonna go get my dress after I got the wig, but Aeris said that I needed to look more convincing...She said I was not an attractive girl without the proper stuff. Aeris told me that I would have to get some underwear, cologne, and make up. I was gonna get to wear make up! I was so happy! Wouldn't you be too?  
So first, we went back to the bar where earlier I saw a guy doing something I like to call the 'pee-pee-dance.' I asked him what was wrong and he said that there was a lady in the bathroom and she was hogging it! I tapped on the door and asked the lady if there was something I could do.   
She told me that she wanted some medicine that could only be bought if I got a pharmacy coupon. When I asked her how I could get one, she told me the local restaurant was giving them away if you purchased a meal from them. I was super lucky! Not only was I starving, but now I would probably get my cologne too!   
Aeris and I scampered on down to the restaurant, where there was a kid holding a big white cat. He told me that cats were cool. I wanted to eat the cat because it looked yummy. Anyway, Aeris and I went into the restaurant and I ordered the BBQ plate. When I paid for it, I got a pharmacy coupon along with my food, which was really good. After I ate, we ran down to the pharmacy to get the bathroom lady her medicine.   
The guy there was kinda rude, and told us we had three choices. Disinfectant, deodorant, or digestive. I was going to pick deodorant, because the bathroom lady smelled kind of funny...But Aeris told me to buy the digestive. To this day, I don't know why she told me to do that. So, then, we ran back to the bar and I found out that the bathroom lady was still in the bathroom!  
I gave her the medicine, and she said that for my kindness, she'd give me her Sexy cologne! Now that I had my dress, wig, and cologne, it was time to get something that made me look pretty.   
Aeris and I went down to a materia shop and talked to a guy there who was selling tiaras. He said that he would give us one if we got him something from the vending machine in the hotel, he would have gotten it himself if he didn't get kicked out of there. The strange thing about him was that when he asked me to do that, he had Aeris turn around because it was a 'guy' thing...I'm a guy?  
So, we went to the hotel and paid ten gil to stay the night. Later, I went to the vending machine and got the most expensive item in there...Which was kind of a rip off! I mean, it cost 200 gil! I could get clothes at JC Penny's for less than that even when they AREN'T on sale! Anyway, we went back to the materia shop and I gave the man his little present. In return, he gave me a cute little diamond tiara! It's all glittery and shiny...I still have it too. I keep it on a shelf in my room. Don't tell anyone, ok?  
After we got the tiara, Aeris told me that there were only one or two more things that we needed to get before we could rescue Tifa. Not that I cared, I had already gotten my food, so I was ready to talk about Zack again. We found this cute little place called the Honey Bee Inn, but it was for members only. So, we had to get a member card.  
Luckily, we met a little man who was walking around in circles! He was really nice and gave us his member card! Isn't that sweet? Aeris and I went back to the Honey Bee Inn and I told her to wait outside for me because I didn't want her getting hurt or something. Women can be so weak sometimes...But Tifa is giving me the evil eye right now...  
Anyway, when I went in, there were two rooms for me to pick from; the &$#% Room, which I thought was a funny name, and the Group Room. I pondered over which room to go into, and finally, choose the Group Room.   
Once I got in there, I came to discover many big muscle-building men again! Gosh, they were just all over Wall Market! Before I knew it, we were taking a bath together. It was fun, but kind of strange at the same time. When I decided to leave, they gave me bikini briefs as a present! I hope I see them again sometime.   
I heard a whole bunch of girls giggling, so I wanted to find out what was so funny. I entered their dressing room and found that they were all dressed up like bees! Isn't that cute? I asked them to put some make up on my face, and they gladly did. One of them called me a pervert though. That wasn't nice!   
I left the Honey Bee Inn and found Aeris with a bunch of guys around her. One of them told me that they got a flower from her for 300 gil! Aeris is such a cheapskate, isn't she?   
Aeris and I returned to the dress shop and I got my pretty little purple dress. It was really shiny and soft. I really like it. I've still got it in my closet. So anyway, I put on my dress and stuff and then Aeris bought an ugly red dress for herself. My Daddy used to tell me that red was the color of whores, so is Aeris a whore? ...What's a whore?   
After that, we went down to Don Corneo's big nice house to save Tifa. The mean discrimination man let us in! I guess he didn't realize that I'm a guy...At least I think I'm a guy. When we went in, this one guy said that the Don would see us...But first we went exploring and we went down these dark spooky stairs. Tifa was down at the bottom! I was happy to see her, but she didn't recognize me.   
Aeris explained to Tifa about what we had to do, and Tifa was cool with it. I was surprised that she was though...Because this one time, I asked her if I could go on a date with Jessie, and she almost had a heart attack! I'm serious! ...Maybe it was because of those cheese fries she was eating though...  
So anyway, we got Tifa and then we were just kind of standing there waiting for the guy to come and get us to see the Don. After a few minutes, he came and told us that the Don was ready. Gosh, that was fast! We followed him into this really fancy room that had a lot of Japanese looking stuff in it and a fat man with a yellow Mohawk sitting behind a desk. At first I thought he was another decoration, but then I realized that he was actually the Don! How silly of me!   
Don Corneo got up and started doing a dance, as he looked us over. He said that he would pick one of us and that the other men could have the other two that he didn't pick. I wanted him to pick me...And luckily, since I'm such a convincing girl, he did! I was so happy!   
He led me into his bedroom where he jumped onto his bed and started making purring noises at me. I thought this was very strange; I mean, he wasn't a cat! Then, I remembered what I was supposed to do...So I started flirting with him and stuff. He was about to kiss me when Tifa and Aeris came running into the room. I felt kinda embarrassed about that. So then I ripped off my dress, and conveniently had my normal clothes on underneath it. Poor dress...It got ripped.  
Then we got him to give us some information about ShinRa...He was really nice about it! But after that...We were about to leave and he pulled a fast one on us! He asked us some stupid question and even though we answered right, he sent us down to the sewers!   
  
Oh my....I have to go! I'll tell more later guys! Ciao!  
  
(Ok ok I know this is retarded...But I think it's pretty funny! ^__^ r/r!) 


	2. Sephiroth, Zack, and Part 1 of the Nibel...

Cloud's True Feelings Part 2  
  
  
(what.the.fuck.is.this?.rnrndoode its the stoopodest thing i heard!..fuckkk cloud is wun of mah fav characters so shut the fuck up about him going with zack you bitch! this is the mos gayest piece of shit ive ever read!..u should reeley get outta the storu business cuzz what tha word?..............................rnrn...............................................................................................................you suck the heelll newbe.............rn.................................................rn NOW GO HOME AND GET LOST!rnchow!._ =)rn~you suck like hell~  
  
Well! Here's my very first flame on this! wheeee isn't this interesting? So, little man...Where the heck did you learn English? If you want to flame me, please do so in proper grammar. This is pathetic! 'cloud is wun of mah fav characters' Oooh! You spelled 'characters' right! *pats you on the back* I know that must have been hard.   
Everyone else that have read this fic like it because it's FICTION OF FICTION and it's comedy. I never said "read this or I'll kill you." So why did you even bother reviewing?   
"this is the mos gayest piece of shit ive ever read!" Oh, why thank you. I know it's gay. It's SUPPOSED to be gay! And...please PLEASE learn how to spell! MY GOD!!!   
Oh, and I don't care if you don't like the fact that I said Zack and Cloud were together. It's just a story anyway.   
My last comment...What the hell is up with the 'rnrndoode' or whatever that lovely noise was at the beginning? Thank you for being stupid and flaming my fic! Yes...Go to heeell or whatever it was...Oo;;;   
  
This next chapter is dedicated to the sucker who flamed me. I love you man. RNRNDOODE!)  
  
Part 2: Cloud's True Feelings on...  
  
Sephiroth, Zack, and The Beginning of the Nibel Mountain Episode! ^_^   
  
S-S-SEPHIROTH?! Just hearing his name scares the beejesus out of me! But...Let me back track a little I guess.   
  
The first time I ever saw him was when I went to the Shinra HQ for my first day of SOLDIER training...Or, wait...I wasn't ever a SOLDIER! I was a pathetic loser who was a wanna-be of a SOLDIER! Teeheehee...How silly of me to forget that.   
  
Anyways, so there I was in the HQ wearing that cute little blue outfit and getting yelled at by my head officer. His name was...Well...I can't remember so I'll just call him Cornwallis! Teehee...What a cute name.  
  
Cornwallis was yelling at me about cutting my unusually spikey hair and not wearing make up on the job. Why can't I wear make up?!?!? But anyway...I guess I'm getting a little off subject, no? So, after that, Cornwallis took me and the rest of the crew into a really big room where lots of other SOLDIERs and wanna-be SOLDIERs were.   
  
There was Sephiroth standing in the center of the room looking very pissy about something. He began to lecture us about a mission! It was so much fun!   
  
S-S-Sephiroth told us that there were a bunch of monsters in a town called Nibelheim, which just happens to be my hometown! Teehee!! He said that the monsters needed to be taken out and that we had to go check out an old mako reactor in the Nibel mountains.   
  
I volunteered to go with him and whoever else was going, and luckily, he decided to take me along! I was so happy!   
A week later, we flew to Costa Del Sol. This was when I met Zack! We were just staying in a hotel for one night, and I got paired with him as my roommate. He was so cute right off the bat! I felt as though it was love at first sight!   
  
Zack was so friendly to me too...I had a feeling that maybe he liked me the way I liked him! But, my hopes were crushed when he told me that he had a girlfriend. I was so sad! I got over it fast though...I put my hopes in S-Sephiroth for some reason. How silly of me, no?  
  
Well, anyway...After that, we drove to Nibelheim in a bunch of trucks! And I was in the one with S-Sephiroth, Zack, and this other guy...I think his name was Leo. I was so excited that I almost wet myself! Teehee...Don't tell Tifa about that, ok? I'd be too embarrassed. That was why I kept getting motion sick...Really!!!  
  
After night fell, we were still driving and it had started to rain. Rain scares me! It reminds me of S-S-S-Sephiroth! The driver turned around to us and told us that there was a monster near the truck.   
  
S-Sephiroth told the driver that we would take care of it. So, him, me, and Zack got out of the truck and fought a scary looking dragon! S-Sephiroth killed it with one hit...It was amazing! He was so powerful! ...And graceful...And the way his long silver hair flew around...Oh! I'm getting off topic! Teehee! Sorry!   
  
We drove for a really really long time after that...My butt fell asleep! Teehee...It hurt a lot to stand up...All tingly and stuff...  
  
Oh! Oops...I have to go now guys! I'll write more later! Ciao!  
  
(OK...I know this chapter was kind of short...But I wanted to get it up as soon as possible, so the next chapter will be longer. As you can see, they go in no particular order...So yeah. If anyone has something particular you'd like me to do...AKA a scene, or a character...I'll gladly try to do it! ^_^ Thanks everyone for the great reviews! I really appreciate it!) 


	3. Chocobo Captor Cloud!

Cloud's True Feelings  
  
Chapter Three: Chocobo Captor Cloud!  
  
(OMG It's been more than a year since I touched this little nugget of gold! I'll be really surprised if any of the people that were first reading this still decide to read this chapter. ;; Guess that's cause I'm not a very reliable updater. But now I am! Ha ha! So, anyway, thanks bunches to all my great reviewers! And of course, any flames I get will simply be kept and made fun of by absolutely everyone, and possibly, even in the actual fic. XD On with the show!! By the way, if you've got it on your computer somewhere, listen to the FFVII Chocobo Salsa Mix while you read this just for fun.)  
  
Well, I decided to take a break from talking about S-S-S-S-S...yeah. You all know what I mean! Heehee...So, today, I thought I'd talk about the time when I first tried to catch a chocobo!  
  
I'm sure everybody reading this knows what a chocobo is. But, for those that don't, it's a big yellow bird. Like a chicken. A BIG, GIANT chicken. Only it's yellow. And BIG. In other words, it's like that Sesame Street Character, only not as big. The one named Big...something. We'll just call it...  
  
Uh...  
  
...Um...  
  
Big Pimpin'.  
  
Yeah. That's what its name was! Or, at least, I think so. Ever since I had that Mako poisoning, my memory's been a little hazy. But anyway, I used to watch Sesame Street when I was little. But now I've moved on to (datdadadaaaaaa!) Captain Planet! It's such a cool show! Everyone should watch it!!  
  
Anywho, after Barret, Tifa, Aeris, Red XIII (that red, wolf-kitty dude), and I got out of Midgar, we went to Kalm Town. I told them 'bout my exciting days in SOLDIER. Nrrr...After that, we split up. Tifa and Aeris came with me cuz I'm such a lady's man...  
  
...woman...  
  
Er...No! Man!  
  
Why's there have to be a difference anyway? Tee hee, I keep getting off the subject. Hee hee hee heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee cough cough gasp!!!  
  
Y'know, I got stabbed by S-S-S-Sephiroth. That was a long time ago. And then I got Mako poisoning!  
  
I'm so accident prone!  
  
There I go again!  
  
So Tifa, Aeris, and I began heading toward the nearby Chocobo ranch. We got in a few squabbles along the way, but we managed to get rid of the scary monsters just fine. In fact, we were even able to level up and get some stuff from the scary monsters and super creeps! It was so totally cool.  
  
We reached the ranch, and saw a bunch of Chocobos in a fenced in area. After I picked up a materia, they all started dancing! I think I was the only one who noticed, but there was a guy with a boom box in the distance playing some music and dancing too! I was impressed that the Chocobos could all learn choreographed dance moves.  
  
After the awesome dance routine, we all herded into house, where we learned that there was a big snake called the Midgar Zolom in the marshes...And in order to get to Junon, we had to go through there! So we'd have to fight the Zolom.  
  
But then, we also learned that if we were riding Chocobos, the snake wouldn't attack us.  
  
How much sense does that make?!  
  
Slightly dismayed, the girls and I went into the barn, where we met a snot-nosed brat we refer to as "Choco-Billy." This kid was so rude! He acted like he knew everything about Chocobos (which he did) and that we knew nothing (which we don't)!! He was all in our faces about how, "IF YA WANNA CATCH A CHOCOBO YOU GOTTA USE A GREEN!!!!! DON'T EVER ATTACK IT!!! JUST USE THE GREEEEEEEN!!!!!!!!"  
  
Aeris told him that we understood perfectly, and so, we bought some greens from the kid and then moseyed on out of the ranch to find some Chocobo tracks and catch some for us. After fighting in what seemed like 3446653454657676311 random battles, we FINALLY got in one where there was a big yellow Chocobo!! None of us were sure what to do, so Tifa just chucked one of the greens at it, and it said "Wark!" and started munching on it. Meanwhile, we took care of the baddies.  
  
Once the battle was over, the Chocobo remained with us. It was totally awesome! The only problem was, there was only one of him, and three of us. So, of course, Tifa figured out what to do. She's so smart! Her and Aeris were able to catch Chocobos of their own without any problems, as usual.  
  
Why am I always the one with bad luck?  
  
scratches head and shrugs ...I dunno.  
  
So, once we got our Chocobos we decided to ride around a bit and get used to them. I think mine thought that my hair was a baby Chocobo cuz it kept "warking" at it and trying to chew on it. It was a little scary...  
  
Aeris and her Chocobo got along just fine! She's always had such a way with everything. Tifa, on the other hand, kept almost getting thrown off. I guess her Chocobo didn't like her very much.  
  
Once we were used to them, we decided to head across the marsh, where the dreaded Midgar Zolom lived! It was really smelly, and from what I could tell, the ground was really mushy. My Chocobo kept sinking into it. Ewwww. There were also bugs everywhere. Aeris and Tifa didn't seem to be bothered by them, but they kept buzzing around my head, probably because I used so much stuff on my hair.  
  
...I love my hair. I take at least two and a half hours every morning styling it to make it absolutely perfect! S-S-Sephiroth and Zack used to say it was ridiculous how much time I spent on it.  
  
Zack always told me it looked great anyway.  
  
...Aaah, Zack...I miss you.  
  
Errrr...Anywho, the Zolom started chasing us, hissing and spitting everywhere. It was really nasty. Eventually though, we made our way through the marsh and got to a scary tunnel. I didn't like the way that looked.  
  
...Especially because there was another Zolom impaled on a tree. This was no doubt, S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-Sephiroth's work.  
  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!  
  
WHAT'S MY NUMBER?!?!?!?!!!!!  
  
(end chapter three! The next chapter: Nibel Mountains Part 2!!) 


	4. Nibel Mountains Part 2!

Cloud's True Feelings

Chapter Four: Part 2 of the Nibel Episode!

(Wow I'm actually updating at a reasonable rate now. It's a miracle!! So anyway, here is the continuation of chapter two, when Cloud was describing basically, the TRUE version of the "Kalm Town Flashback." Oh, by the way, it's been forever since I played this part in the game, so I'm sorry if I get some stuff wrong...I'm just going off of what I remember! I think the next chapter I'll be doing will deal with when he went on his first mission with Avalanche. Whoot. Please look forward to it!!)

Well, I got a bit side-tracked talking about that Chocobo, didn't I? Tee hee...I just thought it might be nice to take a little break from chattin' about S-S-S-Ssssssssss.....um...HIM. Speaking of HIM, they're a crappy band! Haha!!!

Anywhodolidoo...Back to Zack swoons and S-S-S-Sephiroth. The ride to Nibelheim took a lot longer than we'd thought because of the scary, cold rain. I wasn't having any fun, since I was all soaked after having to get out and fight that big ol' dragon. It was cold in the back of that truck too. So I was shivering the whole time. Zack sat next to me and kept me warm. It was so nice of him! I love you, Zack!

S-S-S-Sephiroth didn't really seem to like the fact that we were cuddling the whole way there though. He kept giving us the "Death Glare." That's this really creepy look that he used to give people when he was A) just plain old angry, and B) when he was jealous of something.

Could it have been B?

....Naaaaah.

Once we got to the town, the sun was shining its happy face down on us, and my clothes were all dry again! Leo quickly ran off to the bar and S-S-S-Sephiroth said some stuff about Nibelheim that just kinda went in one ear and out the other. Zack was paying attention though. He always did. He was so smart!!!

S-S-Sephiroth skipped off to go do some exploring and left Zack and me to do whatever we wanted for a little while. He said that later we were supposed to go up into the Nibel Mountains, which looked SCARY!!!

They were really tall and pointy, and from where we were, they just looked completely black...Reminded me of something you'd see in a low-budget horror movie where they use card board for mountains or something.

Tee hee hee!

With nothing else to do, I went back to the house where I had grown up to say "hi" to my Mommy. Zack came along. Mommy still looked the same as she had when I had left to join SOLDIER. I hadn't told her that I was just a normal lackey and that I wasn't cool enough to be in SOLDIER like Zack and S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-Sephiroth.

Mommy, of course, knew right away because she recognized the uniform I was wearing and she started laughing at me. But then she told me that she was proud of me anyway and gave me a lollipop. She offered Zack one too, but he said he didn't like candy.

Who doesn't like CANDY?! Jeez...Oh well. Zack is still awesome!!!

We stayed at Mommy's house for a little while and told her about working for Shinra and stuff. Mommy didn't seem particularly interested. It made me sad!! I knew that Zack would comfort me though.

When we left Mommy's, I spotted an old friend of mine; Tifa Lockhart!!! I was surprised to see her, but then I remembered her saying that she wasn't planning on ever leaving Nibelheim and stuff.

Her opinion sure changed, huh?

Eep...She's giving me the "Death Glare" right now!!!! Stop it, Tifa! Stop being like S-S-S-S-Sephiroth!!!

Well. Anyway...

Tifa told us that she was going to be our guide into the mountains and stuff. She also had a very cute cowboy hat! Before we could leave, a guy came up to us and asked if he could take S-S-S-S-S-S-Sephiroth, Zack, and Tifa's picture. I wasn't in it. Leo and I had to stand off somewhere else so we wouldn't ruin S-S-S-S-Sephiroth's reputation and make people think he was a loser, like Leo and I are.

...Were...I'm not a loser anymore!!

After the guy took a few pictures, we were on our way! The mountains didn't look like scary, cardboard mountains up close. Instead, they looked like REAL, SCARY mountains. And of course, there were monsters and stuff everywhere, but S-S-S-S-S-Sephiroth and Zack took care of them easily.

While we were romping up the mountain, I kept hearing this weird voice saying "Rnrndoode." At first, I thought it was my imagination, but it kept getting louder and louder, and then S-S-Sephiroth and the others noticed it too.

Before any of us had time to say "Supercalafragilisticexpealadocious," this frumpy, hairy, weird looking thing pounced on Leo! He was screaming "RNRN DOODE!!!!!" and started throttling poor Leo.

As Zack and S-S-S-S-S-Sephiroth pried him off, the hairy thing said "RN CHOW!!!" I was so scared!!

S-S-S-S-Sephiroth was gonna kill him, but Zack, being the passionate, merciful, handsome, good-at-sex, person he is, told him not to. So, S-S-S-S-Sephiroth agreed and told the frumpy thing to leave.

It did...And it took Leo, kicking and screaming with him. Zack, Tifa, and I all thought we should go after him, but S-Sephiroth said that we had no time to waste. I was really really scared, but I decided to act like I wasn't. So the four of us continued up the mountain, and I could hear Leo's screams all the way to a rickety old bridge.

Tifa told us that the bridge wasn't very sturdy, well, DURH. Eep, Sorry, Tifa!!! I didn't know you're reading this over my shoulder!!! No!!! NOT THAT!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

A phoenix down and 5 hi potions later

U-Um...So yeah...Tee hee...Where was I?

Oh, the bridge, that's right.

S-S-Sephiroth just started strutting across it like one of those anorexic, heroine addicted models, and we all followed, me clasping Zack's hand the whole time. Before we reached the other side, the ropes snapped and the bridge fell, us along with it!!

When I came to, there was a bird sitting in my hair, and had, apparently, laid some eggs in it! EWWW!!! I shooed the bird away and picked the sticky, smelly eggs out of my once beautiful, now disgusting, hair. Somehow, I managed to survive the accident with no wounds, which was totally awesome!

I got up and went to look for the others, who I found quickly. They were all, already moving on. When I caught up with them, I saw that S-S-S-S-Sephiroth looked really annoyed, Tifa just looked at me, and Zack gave me a hug. Yay!

There was a cave near where we had all landed, so we moseyed on in there and had a look-see around. Tifa was making a big deal about the material that was forming in the cave. It was all green and glowy! I wished that I had a camera so I could take pictures, but then I remembered that I wasn't a tourist and stuff.

After that, we kept going, and then found a scary looking broken down Mako reactor! That was what we had been looking for the whole time, and I hadn't even been aware of that. Hee hee! Isn't that funny?

S-S-S-S-Sephiroth began to head inside, Zack following. Tifa wanted to go in too, but I wouldn't let her. That was my job!

Tifa and I sat on some rocks and related stories of what we'd been up to after we split up. I told her about moving to Midgar and having to live in the train station until I got a job, and she told me about studying martial arts with that Zangan or whatever his name is guy. It was spiffy.

But then bad stuff started happening...Like, really REALLY bad stuff.

Stuff so bad, that I don't even want to write it down!

I'll just say that people got hurt. Really bad.

It wound up that Tifa got hurt, Zack got hurt, S-S-S-S-S-Sephiroth went NUTS!!!!!! And nothing happened to me really...Fixed my nasty hair though.

So, that's about it for now!

Love you all!!

Ciao!

(So there's the end of chapter four. How romantic. Keep in touch! XD Chapter five will arrive soon.)


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